Emotional investments in any relationship are worth their entire weight
in soul in the relationship. to be able to get that close with someone
to me is a very special thing. to be able to allow that person to open
up to you as a friend and be able to tell them the deepest thoughts in
your head is a very special bond that is very hard to forge between two
friends, normally. But it seems anytime i meet anyone i can get them to
open up to me and i can get them to talk to me and tell me almost
anything almost right off the first meeting, this doesnt happen all the
time but more often than not it does. when i forge this type of bond
with someone i seem to become really close to them really quickly. i
will do anything to help them and i will fight for them in any
situation, sit up for them for any reason i will always be available to
lean on and to talk to unless i am gone somewhere or just plain dead, i
will never let my friends down nor will i ever betray their trust. i
try my hardest to be the best friend i can be yet there are still times
that i dont think i am doing enough as a friend to be there for my
friends. There are times I feel I can do more, but then I wheel back
and look at the situation and realize that I am doing all i can as a
friend to be there for them and to let them know im available for them.
This is where being an impath comes into my life. An empath is a
person who can feel others emotions around him/her anytime i see a
person or talk to my friends i can feel their emotions be they happy or
sad or angry or frustrated or anything. sometimes this makes me happy
and sometimes this drains the living hell out of me and i am to weak to
barely want to do anything but sleep. i will admit this doesnt always
work the way I want it to but when it does it is quite a very
interesting experience. i can tell the deepest things about a person
just through their emotions and by feeling their emotions that allows
me to see their soul. i see souls in different colors as well depending
upon their moods. different colors for different moods and emotions and
even goings on in the mind. sometimes being an empath is the most
beautiful thing in the world and sometimes it can be the darkest most
ugly thing that i have ever felt within myself. sadness and angry are
the two most painful emotions anyone can ever experience but when i
experience them it almost literally hurts. and i end up in a funk for
the rest of the day. this is something that i am still learning and
growing with i hope it shows me things that i have never seen before.
to see things in people no one else sees is truly a gift in the minds
eye.
On the 10th of August in 1979 was born a child who seemed to be the
same as everyone else accept for a small hole in his back that he had
to have closed immediately after birth. being lifeflighted out of the
hospital as a little baby being torn away from his parents even if they
were able to follow you to the place you needed to go and be able to
stay and wait for you throughout the procedure seeing you all stitched
up and crying in pain from the stitches in your back, your lying there
crying not knowing how to convey these feelings to the people around
you other than screaming your precious little head off. then a couple
of days later the doctors come in and tell your parents your child will
never walk again. this feeling takes a while to sink in for them i am
sure. not knowing how to take care of a physically challenged child
never having ever even seen one much less ever live with one as a baby.
the medical bills would be outrageous he would have to be in strollers
and walkers and wheelchairs for the rest of his life but that would
only be after he went through another surgery, having to be covered in
a body cast from head to toe with his legs spread out just to set your
legs straight only to find out that it didnt take and you have to have
it redone all over again. and finally being able to wear braces to
achieve some semblance of walking so feel somewhat accustomed to your
life as a physically challenged person not knowing yet even what that
means in your immature little life. as you grow older you also begin to
notice that you have something inside you that isnt there in your mom
or dad you have a scar on your belly and a line running down your body
then you find out that line is a tube in your head that has been
attached to your brain to essentially keep you alive. you ask your
mother what it is and she tells you it is called a shunt and if you
didnt have it your brain would be so swollen you couldnt live a normal
life, well even more normal than what your already experiencing. as his
years travel on he is faced with many many awkward moments in school
and in life learning to use his walker and crutches and trying to deal
with all the stares and gawks of all the kids around him, feeling very
awkward and very shy around the other kids but somewhere in his mind
he realized that shying away from people would leave him lonely and not
able to have any friends so he pushed forward and he began to make
friends and even found some other friends like him in certain places.
this made him feel very very comfortable with in his own skin and he
became a very happy loving caring youth. as life went on he grew up
around everyone in school and in life walking around him in his mind he
wondered why he ws the only different one. as a kid he never understood
what the doctors said or anything they were telling his parents, he
could understand the words and understand what was coming out of the
doctors mouth but he didnt really comprehend what heard. the words
spina bifida were alien to him and also to his parents no one really
knew what that was or what was even entailed in the disease. back when
he was born there really wasnt a cure for it or as was said earlier no
one knew what it was or what caused it and to this day no one really
still does know much about it. as he grew up and got older the looks
and gawks lessend and he began to accept himself in his crutches and
walker but that was burning him out so he began using a wheelchair.
while this is a bit more confining and a LOT more stare inducing this
peice of machinery is a wonderful thing it makes it much easier to get
around and it is alot more fun to roll around in and go faster than
everyone else. but again as he grew older and he began to get used to
his wheelchair he still went through school being bullied and picked on
but he traversed on through that and came out a much stronger more
bolder person for it. once he became of a sexual age he realized that
this would be quite more difficult than it would be for most humans. he
couldnt feel anything from the waist down and he really didnt seem to
have desires like other people did he didnt understand what it was to
be aroused or excited. all he knew is that everytime he saw something
attractive he got hot and flushed. but he never really understood why
that is until he got older still and realized that there was such a
thing as sexuality in a physically challenged human and to this day he
is still learning lots of things and is enjoying every single minute of
his newly found sexuality it turns him on just to not know what lies
ahead and to be able to discover things and ask questions and question
everything in his life. the many things he has yet to discover excite
him greatly and that makes him very curious.
i have returned and have finally updated my xanga my leg is all better there is still a scar left but at least it is no longer open. i am 29 as of yesterday and i have been watching the 29th olympiad on television im still volunteering and going about my daily life living life as full as i can not knowing what to expect from one day to the next. that is the beauty of life you never know what your going to get from day to day. they say that variety is the spice of life and i must agree i am fully invested in that idiom. living life to its fullest is such a wonderful thing. the world is full of energy you should take all the time you need and just go outside and drink up all the energy you can take acute awareness of your surroundings and emotions and anything of that nature. be mindful of the ones you love and mindful of yourself when you are thinking. you should find that the world is a better place when you slow down and think.
